Revelation of Secrets

I know that I typically have a way with words but I can’t seem to find them as I write this poem for my uncle’s obituary. I feel like I can’t grasp what I want to say but I don’t want to fail at this task because I know that he wants me to follow my passions and he would want me to write this. I just can’t seem to get it right. I wrote 4 poems and they all sound like crap. I have to send in my options tomorrow! I just need to breathe and let the Spirit lead me. 

It’s something that cannot be comprehended. I can dream about Heaven as much as I want but my dreams don’t even compare to the reality of how awesome it’s going to be. I am very saddened that my uncle passed away today but I am rejoicing because he is with Christ and he is not suffering anymore. I didn’t know this but  exactly 5 months ago to this date, well actually yesterday since it’s past midnight, he affirmed his faith in the Lord. How amazing is that?!!! God knew what He was doing the whole time and I cannot even begin to try to understand what God will do with this and how He’ll be glorified but I will praise His name. I will give thanks because the Creator of the Universe decided that it was time for Him to spend intimate time with my uncle. He wanted my uncle in His presence for eternity! Amen! My uncle isn’t suffering anymore and that gives me such peace, unexplainable peace. I am still heartbroken though because I don’t understand death. My niece passed away and I am still denying it but now that my uncle has passed away, I am accepting his death but I can’t seem to comprehend her death. It’s crazy. But I am so blessed to be at this Christian university where I am surrounded by thousands of prayers and there has been such compassion shown toward me. I have an amazing support system that I tend to neglect because I don’t want people to see me hurt but I praise God for them! I praise God for these men and women who have held my arms up during this battle. They don’t even know the impact that they have had on my life lately. I can’t put into words what God has been doing through them. This is a bittersweet time. This will be one of my hardest “see ya later’s because one of my hero’s is gone but I know he is with the most amazing Man to not only walk this earth but to create this earth. I love you Uncle Jesse. I will miss you but you are with the King of Kings, I’m kind of jealous. 

haleyshadeee:

Sometimes I forget to take a breath. A breath to remind me that everything will be okay. A reminder to tell me that it is all in God’s hands. Here it goes: one, big, breath. For a moment I feel better, but a moment is good enough for me. 

I love those days when God shows me something. Lately I haven’t been in tune with Him, I’ve been really selfish and self-centered but today He completely captivated me and I loved it. I miss days like this. 

Based off Luke 14:25-26

Why do you follow Jesus?

Like the appearance of a rainbow in a cloud on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the brightness all around it. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. So when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard a voice of One speaking. http://bible.us/Ezek1.28.NKJV

nighttimeisours:

slutsinneverland:

starlitheavens:

^^THIS. is perfection.

I can agree to this.

Perfect.

So so true. Where is our compassion?

Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. http://bible.us/Ezek36.25.NKJV

Why can’t Disney Channel go back to making meaningful DCOMS like “Tru Confessions” and “Miracle in Lane 2”? Now we’re just bombarded by Hannah Montana and Zack and Cody and all these people that aren’t saying anything meaningful. I’m like crying watching “Tru Confessions”. It deals with true life, something Disney Channel has turned it’s back on. I love the old DCOMS and I just wish they would show them more often and not at 3am. :/

“Desert Song”

[Verse 1:]
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

[Verse 2:]
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

[Chorus:]
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

[Verse 3:]
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

[Bridge:]
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

[Verse 4:]
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow 

All of my life Lord, I have a reason to sing to You. Time to stop focusing on all the negative around me and focus on the many blessings that You send my way each day. I love You Lord and I’m sorry that I take Your love for granted on a daily basis. I’m sorry that I overlook the fact that You wake me up each morning and that You are constantly supplying me with air for my lungs. God help me to focus on You and You only. I want to search for Your face and not Your hand. 

I’m watching “The Bride was Seven”. I am completely speechless. I can’t imagine going to a “party” only to find out that it’s my wedding party! These parents gave her daughter to be married at the age of 4! I am so burdened for them. Pray for these girls. 

Listening to the news stations here in the US is starting to piss me off.  Stop criticizing Japan. It’s not like this was expected. Gosh I swear America gets so arrogant sometimes. I don’t see your butt over there helping…no! You’re sitting your butt in a nice comfy chair making comments out of your…

It’s times like this where I’m not proud to be an American. All we do is run our mouths! 

When Japan rebuilds and becomes so much stronger and more prosperous, I will laugh at all of you who are constantly criticizing them. America acts like it’s the best country in the world and I don’t care what the facts say, we are arrogant punks who need to calm the heck down. 

I wonder how many photographers helped those they took pictures of. I wonder how many of them hugged those people who they photographed crying. 

Where is the compassion and the sympathy?

I am ashamed of how our news stations are handling this tragic situation. 

I’ve been kinda zombie like lately. I don’t know how to snap out of it… I guess it’s part of the grieving process. I’ve been listening to some old 90’s music and Britney Spears kinda hit the nail on the head with the song “Lucky”:

“Lost in an image, in a dream
But there’s no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…
“Isn’t she lovely, this Hollywood girl?”
And they say…

She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night”

Now, I’m no star but as a student on leadership, I feel as if these girls are constantly looking up to me and it’s hard to seem like a good role model when I feel like my world is falling apart. I feel like I have to wear this mask around them, ya know act like I know that everything will be alright. I know that God is in control and that He should be my joy, my hope and my strength but some days are easier than others. Some days I question Him and I question my worth and my purpose but I can’t let my girls know that. I mean I’m as open and honest with them as I can but idk, I feel like a horrible leader by letting them know what I’m feeling as I go through all this. 

Αρχίζω να αναπτύξει συναισθήματα για ένα αγόρι που είναι εντελώς έξω από την ένωσή μου. Πέφτω για τον ίδιο και ότι ποτέ δεν θα το όνειρο της σύλληψης μου.

“Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Glory to God. Praise Him, praise Him, praise Him, praise Him…

Even though my days seem dark and I seem so low, I know that my God will deliver in a mighty way.  Just because I’m going through this depression and my quotes have been so down in the dumps, that doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope in Him.  

One of the things that I don’t like about having the label Christian plastered onto me is that people expect me to be like a superhuman and be joyful in every situation. I have hope in Christ in every situation but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get down and that doesn’t mean that my life is perfect. I still struggle with sin, I still get depressed, I still get angry and I cry…I’ve been crying a lot lately. I’m human, not perfect. Christ is the only one who was ever perfect. I’m human and I have emotions. I’m broken down right now and I know that Christ has a plan for this and I know that He’ll pull me through. Life isn’t always a bed of roses and even if it were, roses have thorns. 

“It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people and there’s magic in the world, and that the meek and righteous will inherit it. There’s too many good people who suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that go unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves that it’s all going to be okay, “You’re going to be okay.” But it’s not okay. And once you know that, there’s no going back. There’s no magic in the world…at least today there isn’t.”

I like getting lost in the lives of the tv show “One Tree Hill”. 

I get lost in their lives so that I don’t have to face what’s going on in my life. 

I’m trying super hard not to deal with it all. 

I started watching OTH late Saturday night and I’m already on episode 20. I’ve watched almost an entire season, 2 more episodes to go. Then I’ll probably find someone else’s life to get lost in. Maybe season 8? 

I’m in a crying type of mood. 

Just kinda feeling overwhelmed.

I knew Spring Break was going to be hard but not this hard. 

I saw her obituary today out of the corner of my eye and I kinda just froze. I stopped and stared as I tried to hold back the tears and now those tears are about to just start flowing. Gosh it’s so hard being home. 

so freaking hard…

I’ve been struggling with the death of my niece and I came across this quote and it states exactly how I feel. This is Haley from One Tree Hill after she loses her mother. 

I was thinking about the finality of it all – how someone can leave your world in the blink of an eye and be gone forever. It’s too enormous to think about. It’s too hard. And then you’re just supposed to go on, like you’re supposed to just deal with it, but really you’re only supposed to be sad for as long as the flowers last and then you’re supposed to go back to telling jokes and reminiscing about the old days. I don’t have any jokes to tell, in fact I hope I don’t hear another joke for as long as I live. And the old days are just gone.

The devastation in Japan is heart-wrenching. I am continuously praying for them. I heard the news in convocation today and as I was praying, I remembered a girl who lives two floors above me who is from Japan. When we were dismissed I went to find her and saw her and her friend weeping. She told me that her family and friends were ok but they were still devastated. We began to pray with her and I felt God move. She told us to pray for the population because as far as she knew 1% of the population have faith in Jesus Christ. All I could say was God MOVE! Move in that place and bring them closer to You through this. Be known there God. Be glorified there Lord.  I know that You hold everything together and You are in control. God, You don’t let anything happen without eternal significance.  God be comforter to them, be the Prince of Peace to them, be Protector and Healer to them. Open their eyes to You God. We sang this song after hearing the news and it made so much sense to worship You with this song today.

Verse 1
I have decided I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer shield, and reward
I’ll wait upon you Lord

Prechorus
As surely as the sun will rise
You’ll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

Chorus
You’ll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit Rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You’ll come.

Verse 2
We are not shaken we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Mighty deliverer triumph and truth
We wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise you’ll come to us
Certain as your word endures.

CHORUS

Bridge
Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

Christ, be revealed in this tragedy. That’s all I can ask. 

mischiefalwaysmanaged:

An 8.9 earthquake struck Japan. The quake that struck 2:46 p.m. was followed by a series of aftershocks, including a 7.4-magnitude one about 30 minutes later. The US Geological Survey upgraded the strength of the first quake to a magnitude 8.9, after initially saying it was 7.9. The quake struck at a depth of 10km, about 125km off the eastern coast, the agency said. The area is 380 kilometres northeast of Tokyo.

please reblog.

My heart and my prayers go out for them. God be glorified in the midst of this tragedy. Bring them closer to You through this. Show them Your glory, Your comfort and Your peace. In JESUS’ precious name I pray. Amen. 

My prayer tonight is that I become more aware of my selfish mentality so that it may be corrected. God has done an amazing job at transforming me so far, I don’t expect Him to stop now. He’s working in multiple things at once. This is definitely a molding season. First He had to break me, now He’s molding me and putting me back together. He’s transforming His masterpiece back to how He originally wanted it.

I’m so glad that Spring Break starts Friday. I think I’m about to go insane in my room and on this campus.  I probably am going to cry myself to sleep.  Praise God that He is my Comforter and my Strength.  He’s going to give me the strength to make it through the rest of this week and He’s going to comfort me all the way through it. I didn’t realize how upset I’ve been until I was trying to sleep and my roommates rudely woke me up…the funny thing about that is that they don’t even like each other. lol. they talk bad about each other to me and they complain about each other to me yet when I was trying to sleep they became best friends? Don’t get me wrong I’m glad that the tension is gone but can I get some respect? I’m super sick and all I needed was some rest. Gah. I guess I should stop being selfish. God please help me. 

But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, And did not destroy them.
Yes, many a time He turned His anger away, And did not stir up all His wrath; For He remembered that they were but flesh, A breath that passes away and does not come again. http://bible.us/Ps78.38.NKJV

Today I shared with the girls on my hall about how we should serve the local community and how we should be God’s hands and feet and their response was amazing! I asked them to write down what they were passionate about and how they wanted to serve God so that I could help them get connected in the community and many of them put down that they wanted to do whatever! That it didn’t matter and they would do anything to serve. They also said specific things such as working with special needs children and pregnancy centers and helping out with troubled teenage girls and nursing homes and homeless shelters and so many more! Every card that I got back brought me so much joy! I was so excited that God open our hearts up and gave us a willingness to serve others. I cannot express the joy that I feel because this hall of about 30 girls is so willing to reach out to the community and serve a very loving God.  We will be sharing the love of Christ through our actions and our words. This is so exciting!

Reading “The Wounded Woman” so amazing. I’ve read it previously but God is definitely highlighting sentences that I have previously overlooked and He’s moving in amazing ways! I’m so excited to get to know that Healer. 

There are some people that I just don’t want in my life anymore. I wish them the best but it’s time to move on and go separate ways.  I’ve done what I can to make things peaceful but they obviously don’t want that so it’s time to say goodbye. It’s definitely bittersweet…more sweet than it is bitter. God is sovereign. 

God is so cool. I can’t even explain how awesome He is which makes Him even more awesome! He’s just been revealing so much to me and I’m actually really really thankful for my trials because He’s molding me for His glory. 

My Spiritual Life Director told me today that it’s more important to get to know the Healer than it is to be healed (she paraphrased from a Beth Moore book) but that’s totally true! As I was getting to know Him, He healed me in multiple ways.  I went to check my tumor yesterday and I couldn’t find the mass. Nothing but God! 

Umm excuse me. You, yes you, um excuse me but I would really appreciate it if you stopped believing this lie about me because my life really doesn’t revolve around you. I don’t know who told you that but they lied. My life revolves around Jesus. I would really like it if you applied that knowledge to your life, it would make life so much better for all of us. :)

I can’t wait for this to be over with…but I guess that means I should try to enjoy the journey right? gah…

God didn’t say that things would always be easy but He said that He’d be my strength and I need all the strength I can get.  I’m so weak right now but I’m trying to be so strong on the outside. I feel like this mask is about to pop off. 

Dear Jesus, I give this day to you. I could already feel the attacks of the enemy as soon as I woke up so I will cling to You even more. I praise You because You are my source of strength everyday. You are my hope, peace, joy, but most of all God, You are my Savior. Lord, You saved me. You save me on a daily basis from making stupid decisions. You saved me from marrying someone who was not treating me the way a daughter of The Risen King deserves to be treated. You saved me from multiple friendships that were not healthy for me. You saved me from myself and possibly death the night i went driving in the rain with the intention to wreck my car and make it look like an accident. You saved me from hell with the intention to have and everlasting relationship with You. I praise You God for who You are. You are more than I know and more than I can comprehend aamd I will glorify You not with just my words but with my actions.

Honestly, I still don’t believe that she died.  I keep looking at her picture on my computer thinking about how I’m going to see her when I go to visit sometime soon. It’s crazy that it’s so hard to comprehend death and the fact that a person is no longer around.  It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that she didn’t live a long life and that she left this world in such a tragic way to me.  Sometimes I think about how hard it was for her to stand there as she was struggling to breathe and I wonder what was going through her head. Did she feel like she was dying or did she think that it was just another asthma attack? How much pain was she in while she was having the seizure? These thoughts run through my mind when reality sets in ever so often. I know that God has an awesome plan for this and I praise Him for her life but this still really sucks. It really really sucks. All I can do is lean on God and praise Him for being sovereign.